Washington, D.C. — In a stumbling press conference today, President Joe Biden apparently forgot the main subject.

“I am proud to announce that my administrative is set to forget, uh, forget, and I don't wanna, I don't wanna, let me be, choose my words,” began Biden, 81.

At that point a staffmember whispered to the commander-in-chief:

“Yes, I'm sorry,” he continued. “We are forgetting student debt for millions of young Americans. Which is not at all like forgetting where you left your keys!” he joked. 

Cheyenne, Wyoming — Following the recent decision by the Alabama State Supreme Court, Senator John Barrasso of Wyoming has introduced a bill that aims to include extrauterine embryos in the U.S. Census. The proposal has sparked heated debates among lawmakers and citizens alike.

The bill seeks to amend the U.S. Census guidelines to recognize and count extrauterine embryos, which are classified as persons in several states. If passed, this would be a significant departure from the current practice, which only includes children born naturally within the womb.

Washington, D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley has officially announced her independent bid for the presidency. Breaking away from the traditional party lines, Haley aims to offer an alternative choice for American voters in the upcoming 2024 election.